Broken but Blessed

You can imagine my surprise when I found my right arm stuck at 90 degrees when I woke up one morning a few years ago. I could not bear the pain that came with trying to straighten it or bend it. There was nothing I could do. It was just stuck. I quickly jogged my memory, trying to think of something, anything that could have happened the day before to make my elbow malfunction like this. I became panicked. Did I have another going-on-a-killing-spree dream that made me dislocate my elbow in the middle of the night? Did I fall off the bed and sleep-crawl my way back in? Those questions were quickly replaced with one big question: HOW DO I GET MY ARM OUT OF THIS POSITION?

The answer was time. I had to slowly ease my arm back and forth until it was fine again. This was a very painful process. It seemed to take forever and the pain was agonizing. However, when my arm was finally completely straight again it felt great. No pain, no marks, just back to normal. You can imagine my surprise when I woke up to the same thing the next morning, and the next morning, and basically every morning after that. Along with the stiffness came swelling in some joints and pain in others. I headed straight to the doctor who sent me to another doctor who stuck me with a bunch of needles and inflicted a lot of pain who then sent me to another doctor who took a lot of blood work and found nothing. The words Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis were thrown at me along with a bunch of medication.

I stopped seeing that doctor after he told me to quit nursing my baby so that I could take more medication for the unknown auto-immune disease I apparently had. Then we moved across the country. I still had the same joint pain. I still woke up with arms stuck in funny positions. I still had knees that would swell to the size of tennis balls. Let me tell you, that is not an attractive accessory to a cute summer dress!

I decided to get another round of blood work done here with my new doctor. Just last week I got a letter in the mail from her that bluntly stated that I do not have any auto-immune disorder and that I appear to be healthy. I wanted to shout back at that piece of paper, “There is obviously something VERY wrong with me!”. Some mornings I struggle to comfortably hold my son because of the pain. No healthy young mom should have as much pain as I do on a daily basis. The most important thing I have to remind myself is that I am still on this side of Heaven.

This world is broken.

 My body is broken.

 And I am very, very blessed.

I am blessed because God has given me a concrete reminder that this world is not my home. One of my favorite hymns, On Jordan’s Stormy Banks I Stand, reminds me that when I reach the end of my pilgrimage on this earth and see my Father’s face in Heaven, sickness, sorrow, pain and death will be felt and feared no more. There is an end to this suffering I endure, and every other kind of suffering that will come my way in this life. There is hope for all of us who endure pain, heartbreak, and loss. I put my hope in Christ, who suffered just as I suffer, knowing that He is with us even now, and when we see Him face-to-face we will no longer endure any suffering! Revelation 21:4 tells us what it will be like when we do meet Christ:

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

About the Author: Deanna Ford

 

Deanna Ford is a graduate from the University of Missouri (Go Tigers!) where she met her sweet husband who is now in seminary. After living in Georgia, Deanna wishes she could stay in the South forever. However, the Ford’s are living in St. Louis where Deanna is staying at home with their one precious boy. Deanna loves drinking coffee, being outdoors, and has a heart for young college students.


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