The Hardest Question I've Ever Been Asked

I'm not a parent but as a nanny for 12 years there isn't a facet to parenting or a question from a child I haven't experienced. With the kids I've watched, I've walked through tantrums, toilet training, first loose teeth, many first days of school and even really hard stuff like friends who hurt us and the loss of a parent. But nothing prepared me for the question I was asked by the youngest girl I currently nanny for. She's in kindergarten and quite simply the happiest child I've ever met and if you knew her and her story and the hard journey she has walked through with a physical condition, you would find the constant smile even more inspiring.

It happened before bed when all the best, most honest, real and vulnerable questions are asked. She looked up at me from the deepest part of her heart and asked me, "Why am I different from my sisters? Why don't my sisters have what I have (a health condition)?".

Quite simply, her question undid me and it was all I could do not to burst into tears. I knew her question because it's been my question for 18 years living with severe chronic pain. Why? The question that will keep me up at night if I let it. But in that moment I knew my why. I knew that one reason this pain has been allowed in my life is so 18 years later I could sit across from this little girl and tell her she's not alone. She's not the only one who struggles. She's not the only one with a life that sometimes feels unfair. I wanted to tell her right then and there every lesson I've learned in 18 years to spare her some of the mental pain and agony of being different and living with a chronic condition.

But in that moment it all seemed like too much for a little girl so I said the words we all need to hear when we are hurting- I understand. I told her-I hear you. I'm sorry. I know it's hard. I know it doesn't seem fair. And you can always talk to me because I know just how you feel. Even now as I write this tears are filling my eyes. To see someone I love, or even a complete stranger suffering just feels like too much. The temptation to believe God doesn't see or care is great but friends it's not true. He is the God who sees you and while everything in you might want to shake your fists at God when life is too much to handle there is another choice.

A choice to run to Him instead of from Him.

A choice to take my questions and hurt to Him instead of shake my fists at Him.

And a choice to remember that beauty does rise from ashes and that one day He will wipe away every tear. 

Until then I will remain steadfastly clinging to Him, even with all the questions ready to tell anyone, especially my favorite 6 year old, that I understand.




About the Author: Stacy Williams

Stacy lives in Central Ohio. She loves Jesus, traveling, the ocean, ice cream, seeing God answer prayer and encouraging others! She has a Bachelor’s degree is sociology and a Master’s degree in journalism and communications. She briefly worked in public relations before a chronic health condition since childhood forced her to change her plans and yield to God’s plan. She is the Creator of Finding Purpose in the Pain. Check her out on Twitter and Facebook!  







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