Change

At the beginning of the year lots of people were doing word of the year posts. At the time I couldn't think of a word to describe what I thought 2012 would be for me but 5 months into the year I for sure know my word is change. Lots and lots of change. And it's really a good thing I didn't know in advance what this word would be. I'm not a huge fan of change. For some reason I associate change with something bad. I guess it's just fear of the unknown.

My year of change started right away at the end of January when I visited LA. There I had my first change, 2 whole pretty much pain free days! This wonderful change lead to another one in February- I felt led for the first time ever to pray for total healing of my fibromyalgia. It was risky, scary and exciting. January, February and March were very hard months for me as they often are and I'll never forget one day in March crying to my mom and telling her everything needed to change- from my fibro, to my meds, to my job, to my finances- everything was such a mess & needed to change.

And that's when another change happened. I decided to go off all my medications. This was so very difficult for me to even try. I had tried so many times & it was terrible. I so wanted this time to be different & I was afraid if I "failed" the disappointment would be too much for me. But God is His mercy guided me & strengthened me as I stepped out in faith to trust Him to help me get off my fibro meds. And here this very week I celebrate 1 month off all my fibro meds. Simply amazing.

Which leads me to yet another change. This winter which I named my season of struggle left me physically and mentally exhausted and definitely in need of a break and it's no secret that working has been a challenge for me. It's hard to work to support yourself when you can't work full time and even harder to work when you never feel good. So 2 weeks ago after much prayer, consideration & counsel from family & friends I made the decision to quit my primary job as a nanny. My last day will be June 14th. It was such a hard decision for me. I know it is the best decision for me and truly believe it's what God wants for me but it was so hard to choose to trust God entirely with my finances. I'm a person that likes control especially over money and this felt like too much of a risk but in the end I chose to obey and I cannot tell you the peace I've had since making that decision. And God has already begun to provide for me financially in unexpected ways. *Update- only 1 day after I wrote this post, my insurance company out of no where sent me a check for $898.74 because the state told them they overcharged me & had to pay me back! Seriously out of no where God just sent me almost $900!! Amazing what happens when we listen to God and chose to trust Him-He does wonderful things that are beyond what we can hope for or imagine!!!*

I'm so very excited by the prospect of working less this summer and taking time to focus on my health and just relax! I'm still going to be working 1 day/wk doing bookkeeping for a local company & I'm still working from home for my friend Candace's ministry but in general I'm going to have a lot more free time on my hands & I CAN'T WAIT. I've already nicknamed this summer, the Summer of Fun, and hopefully it will live up to its name.

 I'm so grateful for all these new changes in my life. They are truly answers to years of prayer and I am so excited to see what God will do next. And what excites me most is to see the way God is using these changes to grow me in my relationship with Him. It's one thing to say we totally trust God with everything or to say that He is our provider & our strength but it's a completely different story when He asks you to walk out what you say you believe. It's hard but oh so rewarding!

 Once again I want to thank all of you who have prayed me through these changes. I am still praying for total healing of my fibromyalgia as well as praying for God to provide for me financially. I am praying that after a restful summer I will be able to find another part-time work from home job to add to my other jobs & misc nannying. I would love for that new job to be with a ministry of some sort but of course I'm open to whatever God has. So if you know of any opportunities let me know. So what has God been doing in all of your lives? What is He teaching you? I love to hear from you all!

Fibromyalgia Medicine Free!!!

Sorry for the lack of update last week but as you can imagine going off of all your medicines at once wasn't always so easy and last Friday and Saturday were especially rough. But I am happy to say I have been off my fibro med (Lyrica) for 8 days now!!!! This is a HUGE victory and miracle as I really, truly believed I would be on this medicine my whole life. But as I've realized over the last few months that I've been praying for healing, God really can and does do things that exceed what we can hope for and imagine. I don't feel perfect off the medicine but just being off it and not being in excruciating pain is amazing! Since Sunday I have been slowly feeling better and would say that my pain is a good normal level. I guess that probably makes no sense but it just means I still have my normal pain, in the normal places, but it is relatively manageable most of the time. I am still praying for complete healing but I know this is a step in the right direction.

Going off my other medications went pretty well. I am off everything except I did have to go back on my stomach medicine (Protonix). After 10 days off of it my acid reflux was so severe I could barely even swallow water because the stomach acid had burned and swollen my throat. After talking to the pharmacist & explaining that I actually have a structural problem with the valve that connects my esophagus & stomach as opposed to just acid reflux, she explained that I really needed to go right back on my stomach medicine. If I had normal acid reflux I may have been able to correct it without medication but because I have a problem where the valve to my stomach stays open all the time, if I don't take medicine to stop the production of the stomach acid that acid will constantly go up my esophagus. And boy was it ever! I was disappointed and don't like that I need to stay on this med but I need to be able to eat and the constant acid wasn't going to make that possible. Plus the constant acid is a huge esophageal cancer risk too so at least the medicine prevents that. So that experiment didn't go so well but I'm not letting that bring me down. I'm off my fibro med! If you have severe fibro and have taken these medications you know what a huge deal this is and I'm not going to let anything steal that joy!

Thank you to each and every one of you that has prayed for me. I could literally feel your prayers through my roughest days. I would still LOVE your continue prayer specifically that my pain would stay under control and eventually go away! Right now my biggest source of pain is my neck, back and pain/numbness in my hands & feet. I am also praying that I am able to stay off my bladder med (Ditropan). I am off of it and so far doing good-just praying my bladder pain & spasms do not return. In the last couple days summer weather has come to Ohio and I'm convinced that is part of the improvement I've seen over the last 2 days. I'm praying that I will see huge levels of healing and physical improvement this summer, more than any other year before. Thank you all for taking this journey with me and hopefully continuing on for the ride. I give God all the glory for getting me through these last few weeks in particular and I look forward to seeing all He will continue to do in my life.